


Keeping up with the Poot and Maurice’s

by Swiggityswoogetycominforyallbooty



Category: Yeeter twins
Genre: Yeet to the yoink fuck me in the toink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-10
Updated: 2018-11-10
Packaged: 2019-08-21 13:03:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16577036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Swiggityswoogetycominforyallbooty/pseuds/Swiggityswoogetycominforyallbooty
Summary: The fucked up new fandom that has a lot of fucked up twisted minds of us authors pray to the yeeter sweeter gods nick nack patty whack fuck me in the glory hole





	1. Chapter 1

The bridge erupted into bright orange flames, contrasting against the dark sky. The two yeeter twins hid behind a random tree that was near the bridge because the writers wanted there to be a tree there for no reason. 

They both watched as the bridge started crumbling into the water. All of a sudden, the sky was lit up with multiple colours as thunderous booms echoed through the otherwise silent air. 

Putin looked at Maurice with confusion written across his face. 

“Since when did fireworks come into the plan?” he asked curiously.

“I wanted it to go out in style. Do you reckon they’ll notice?” Maurice asked, looking up at the sky with wonder as the sparks in the sky yeeted back down into the water.

Putin gazed at the water where pieces of the bridge now floated. 

“Nah. They said burn the bridge down. They didn’t say we couldn’t do it in style. We be swag as fuck.” He looked down at their outfits. 

The yeeter twins were styled in nun outfits, with some bling bling accessories. Maurice was wearing pineapple glasses, and Putin had a fake gold $ sign chain hung around his neck. They also rocked some kmart gucci belts around their waists to complete the look.

“Exactly. We are so with the disney channel flow, my dude.” Maurice agreed with Putin. 

Putin met Maurice’s gaze.   
“Everyday bro.” He said with a solemn nod.

“Play some Harlem shake. We gotta walk away in swaggy style.” Maurice instructed Putin. He pulled out his gucc as fuck nokia brick phone and turned it up. 

Harlem shake boomed from the brick, and the yeeter twins swaggly walked away in shanaynay style from the random tree that was there for no reason.

CHAPTER TWO 

The next day

The writers had no idea what to do, so they placed Putin and Maurice in the mall trying to be ninjas in nun outfits.

“We gotta find better bling bling to look gucc as fuck poot-poot” Maurice said, as he lay down on the food court table with his yeeter twin. 

They were currently throwing fries at the children who passed them for no reason yet again because the authors have no fucking clue what to do.

“Lets go get some spiderman masks and scale the walls” Poot-poot suggested, rolling off the table and smacking into the floor. Maurice stood up on the table, but unfortunately slipped on a fry and fell off, landing on poor Putin, who had just picked himself up, only to smack the floor again.

“Ooofff” he exclaimed as Maurice squashed him into the ground. “Get off me you ugly walrus vagina!” 

They broke out into the song, “Everyday bro”, singing “It’s everyday bro, with that depressing as flow.” They threw in some weird ass air guitar strumming, and ninja rolls around the food court floor to finish the song.

It was only then that they noticed everyone had disappeared, like in a movie. The mall was as empty as their heads clearly were.

“WHAT IN THE JAKE PAUL YAH YEET IS GOING ON HERE?!?” 

Poot-poot yelled, when he noticed a guy in a suit and tie staring at them with a blank blacked out, hitting the floor with lifeless thuds. The authors wished that was them, but unfortunately it wasn’t, because they have to finish writing the story.

CHAPTER THREE

Later on

The yeeter twins’ eyes opened and they sat up, taking in their surroundings.

“What in the frick-frack camel toe sack happened?!?” Maurice shrieked like a kettle, looking at poot-poot in shock. He noticed a painting on the wall. 

Poot-poot exclaimed, “Ahh Gucci, that painting right there is something fine as fuck. Almost as fine as my gucci outfit.” 

“Bitchacho, where da fuck is we at?” Maurice yelled at poor poot-poot, who looked like he was about to pass out. 

“Forget that, WHAT THE SHITTLE WHITTLE HAPPENED TO YOUR BLING BLING?” poot-poot screamed at Maur-maur. He wasn’t wearing his pineapple glasses. They were nowhere to be found. 

*dun dun dunnnnnn* 

“WHERE’S YOUR BLING BLING AS WELL?” Maur-maur screeched into Poots-poots ear, cupping his face with his hands that were made of crispy, crunchy, tasty bones.

“Where in the yah yeet guccimole shanaynay are we?” Maur-maur exclaimed, yeeting himself and Poots up, to explore the room they were in.

“It would appear we are in some sort of kitchen Maur-maur” Poot-poot informed him, as he studied what looked to be a bag of sugar.

“Kitchen? Then what sort of sorcery is this?” Maurs asked, snatching the suspicious bag of sugar and   
dangling it in Poots face.

“I don’t know, but I’m down to snort this out” Poots said, carefully extracting the bag out of Maur’s grip.

“Wait, before we snort shit out, let’s crisp this sugar up to a crunch”, Maurs suggested, flinging himself around the room to find a fine-ass saucepan for some roasting up.

“Ooofff, I'm hella down for some sister snorting this crunch crisp sugar”, Poots exclaimed, joining Maur in looking for a pan.

“James Charles is sister SHOOKETH”, Maurs screeched, whipping out a pan from underneath his religious robes.

Before the two knew it they were bouncing off the walls, 

*and we mean literally*

It was like a game of volleyball in that kitchen. Poot-poot yeeted and crashed into Maur-maur, and gave himself concussion. He was sister shooketh for a while and sat groaning on the floor. Maurice yeeted himself over.

“WaY To gO PaUl”, he said, in reference to the vines that are definitely not dead ( RIP vine.) 

After a sister scrap they stormed off in a huff. Putin started sister snoop dawgging around and found a bottle of vodka

“AYE MAUR MAUR WANNA DO SOME SISHTER SHOTS BOIIIIIII?!?”he shouted.

*The song SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS starts playing in the background* 

The twins got rowday as fuck up in the kitchen as maurs set the saucepan on fire and danced around the room with it. In their swag as fuck nun outfits they decided it was time to hit the town, forgetting they had been taken hostage.

They yeeted on out down the dark dingy hallway that smelled of marijuana, and skipped with linked arms down the hallway, singing the smurfs theme song la la lalalalalala lalalalalalala all the way.

Poots and Maur maur didn't even know where the fuck they were going but at least they were with each other and not sister shooketh anymore. 

They came to a sudden halt when they   
heard faintly,

'Watch me whip, watch me nay nay’,

and they just couldn’t help themselves and started to sister shake their bootays to their fave jam. 

Suddenly it went pitch black and they immediately came down from their high.  
They heard a voice, deep and spooky, and smoke started to creep out of nowhere.  
An evil laugh came bounding through the mist, and a small lil guy shorter than the average person got wheeled out.

Maurice and Putin lost their shit and in a fit of laughter at how retarded the guy looked trying to be evil, all the anticipation for a smol bean to be wheeled out was just funnier than sister shanaynay shaking her bootay.

They were so caught up laughing whilst high, they forgot to remember that their gucc was stolen and didn’t even notice that the short guy had their gucc.

It took them awhile for them to notice that the smol guy took their precious Gucci slides, but when they noticed they went full assassination mode on him. No one was allowed to touch their gucci slides and bling bling and their jazz.

Once the guy had been taken care of with their serious ninja skills they skipped off hand in hand to the exit. 

Much to their surprise they found the man in the suit and tie stepping closer and closer to them. 

The two start sister shaking profusely and start to sweat as he inched closer and closer.

Poots and Maur couldn't move a muscle. 

The man was so close Pooty and maurs could smell the nicotine on his breath.

“I’m billy bobbob Jones, I’m part of the mafia here in this shit hole town. For some reason we admire y’all work and we need y’all to yeet on down for us to take down the other mafia.”

They shot looks at eachother and Putin noticed Maurice had the look of intense love at first sight in his eyeballs. Putin had to step in and agree cause Maurice was stuck in a daydream, drooling at billy bobbob Jones.

*Because I have no idea what I’m writing anymore, the scene jumps to the yeeter twins on their next mission, operation find the Yah yeeter impersonator, the part of the Mario’s cart mafia. They’re planning their move at the yeeter twins next show.* 

It was the night that the yeeter twins were yeeting around, singing,   
“EVERYDAY BRO WITH THE YEET GANG FLOW” at the top of their drugged up lungs.

Poots was giving out free coke with every joke that was screeched at the top of maurs lungs, so basically the whole audience was high as fuck. 

They ended the night with their significant Ninja flips and yeeting off the ceiling into a bonfire while in fire proof suits,

But….*dun dun dunnnn*

As they were flying, Maurice saw billy bobbob Jones and got a massive hard on and was so distracted, he missed the bonfire and flew straight into the wall. He was SISTER SPLATTERED 

“NICK NACK PATTY WACK FUCK ME IN THE DICK HOLY CRAB NUGGETS MY WALRUS DICK IS BURNING” he hollered, still as high as the empire state building.

The crowd burst into laughter and there were tears being shed over poor, flustered Maurs. 

Poot poot was dying of laughter,but forgot his inhaler. He started having an asthma attack, and had to call 911, but just smoked a joint instead. 

It made it ten times better but also worse because no one gave a fuck.

*YAH YEET GANGS IN THE HOUSE*

At the end of the night, they had snorted literally 300g of coke, and given out the rest to the crowd.

Putin and Maurice made their way out of the alleyway, both down, but for different reasons. 

Maurs was down because he still had a hard on, and didn't get to talk to Billy. Poots was down cause he didn't get to snort as much come as he wanted, or get drunk and blackout in the middle of nowhere like he did last time.

The depressed twins dragged themselves in all their swag and Gucci as fuck glory back to their apartment, and slid into their beds for the night.

Poots slept in the dishwasher, and maurs slept in the oven. They didn't have beds, because a wee while back they tried to turn their beds into campfires, and accidentally burned them down.

It was alright though, they turned it into a ritual for Satan, dancing around the flames with blue chairs above their heads, and feeding the fire some of their kmart Gucci as a sacrifice.

They would have thrown on some humans for good measure, but burning people alive was frowned upon in their society, and they couldn't find anyone willing to do it.


	2. pansexual experiment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who fucking knows bois

Next day 

“POOTS GET YO FROZEN CHICKEN NUGGET ASS OUTTA BED AND HALP ME PUT THIS FIRE OUT. THE PEOPLE WILL SOON NOTICE THE MAYOR OF WHOVILLE IS MISSING “ Maurs screeched.

He frantically tried to stomp the fire out, but only succeeded in spreading it further. 

“OH SHISHTAR SHITTLE WHITTLE. POOTS, I NEED U NOW!”

Poots head popped up out of the dishwasher. He groggily yeeted himself out of it, and stood up. 

“Not again. That's at least the third mayor you've made to spontaneously combust.” Putin grumbled, brushing the ashes off of his gucc as fuck Spiderman onesie.

“But I wanna snort their ashes again”, Maurs complained as he whipped out a dustpan and brush from under his purple and yellow polka dot PJs and started to sweep up yet another mayor.

“I mean, at least you didn't add fireworks this time.” Poot poot said, peering up and the crisped hole in their roof from last time, when Maurice had added fireworks to his concoction.

Billie Eilish started to randomly blast out from the radio for no reason yet again, but the authors wanted to be seen as swag as fuck, so it happened. 

Poot-poot and Maur-maur started to sister sing and bopped out to ‘idontwannabeyouanymore’. They turned their jam on their gucc as guac radio up to the MAX BOI VOLUME. They began to snort that shit up like it was some gucc quality coke, and made some maniac magic juice.

Poots stood in front of mirror that was in their kitchen in front of the stove and threw in some swag moves, watching his gorge reflection in the mirror as he jammed out.

Maur maur watched with fascination, and started to try and mimic Putin's swag as yah yeet Jake Paul moves, but slipped on some burnt up mayor ashes, and yah yeeted into Poots, who yah yeeted into the mirror.

Poot poots face was sister smooshed into the mirror, and Maur maurs face slapped into the back of pootys head.

They both slumped dazed onto the floor, and just lay there looking up at the many black holes in their ceiling from their multiple attempts to cook chipotle. 

Poot-Poot yeet yanked himself up, and staggered with swag, waltzing over to see a dusty ass book, in their kitchen, because why the fuck not.

He opened that musty ass book up and read ‘RIP vine boi’, and he kept flipping through the pages. It was full of old vine references. He yeeted the book to Maur maur. 

“ThIs BitCh FuLl oF ViNeS YeEt”, he sister screamed at him. The twins started yeeting up and down again, when the door slammed open, yeeting off of the hinges.

Billy Bobbob Jones suddenly yeeted inside, yeeted his way into the story unannounced, because the authors are whack jobs, and also why the gucc guac not.

Maurice cleared his throat for some reason, and brushed himself down, noticing how gucci he looked in his swag pajama mamas. 

“Can we have a lil wee shistar shpeak session somewhere that’s not in here?”, Billy Bobbob asked, swooping back his hair with his crisp crunch hand.

Maur-Maur followed Billy Bobbob, and stepped into a random room that was just somehow right next to the kitchen, and also somehow was somehow lit with candles for some sister swag mood lighting. 

Maur-Maur was a curious George as he followed Billy, with no glancing back at poor poot poot. Putin was left behind, still yeeting around with the vine book on fire above his head. He was holding a funeral for it, and throwing spicy water in the air to represent all the tears shed over vine.

Billy shut the door and shishter subtly locked it. He spoke in a huskay as fuck voice, “On a scale of one to ten, how bad do you want to kill me right now?” 

Maur- Maur was more Curious George, as he nervously replied.

“Hovering somewhere in the high thirties, bilbo swaggins”. He gulped and tried to lean shmexily against the table randomly placed against the wall, but slipped and yeeted into a candle. The candle hissed in pain as Maur’s hand sister smooshed it into the table.

Billy bobbob, having been dubbed ‘Bilbo swaggins’, grunted for no reason, and lunged toward Maurice, forced him up against the wall and passionately gave Maurs a shister sloppy slaps kiss.

*SONG STARTS PLAYING IN BACKGROUND - but it’s actually poot poots pressed up against the door, with his swag as fuck nokia brick blasting Strip that Down*

“Give me some sister swag sloppy seconds”, Maurs remarked, still recovering from his mini heart attack that could have killed him. 

If the authors were that merciful, they would let him die. But instead, they made Maur maur gain one groundbreaking boner for Billy BobBob Jones, because they’re evil. 

*Not really*

Maurice pulled away, practically screaming,  
“Hold the diggity doggetty phone, I thought you were wedded in holy macaroni to ya wifoo?!? THIS IS MAHOGANY!” 

‘But I love it’, he thoughtle sqawwtled to himself.

Billy bobbob puffed under his breath, 

“My bisexuality is getting the better of me,”   
as he pressed his hand up against the wall and went in for another kiss, taking Maur-Maurs breath away, leaving him gasping for more, even though the bilbo swaggins apparently took his breath away, so he shouldn’t be gasping for oxygen, he should be dead

“God, my Pansexualness is firing up so much right now. Holy fuck, I think I'm in love”, Maurs internally screams at himself as he sister smacked lips with the one and only swaggins.

There was a rustling sound suddenly coming from behind billy bobbob’s back, and a wild Skrrrrt skrrrrt noise, because the authors love making no sense at all whatsoever. A cloudy silhouette popped up and maur maur was so startled a rabid scream escaped from his mouth. He found the words to shakely ask,

“What in the yeets name is that thing?” 

Billy bobob kissed him to shut him up.  
“It’s my pussy, don’t worry.” 

“A pussy does DIGGITY DEF NOT have 8 mother yeeting legs, ma boi.” Maurice screeched at Billob in horror. “How did that thing even get here?!”

“Yeet, I have no yah yeetin guacaclue how, these authors are so fucking weird”, Billob commented, glaring at the authors, who ducked behind their screens.

*We’ll just say that the cat followed him there, okay?*

“I WANNA JOIN BITCHADOS!” Poot exclaimed, as he yeeted through the door, because the authors forgot that they made Bilbo swaggins lock it.

“Ew, no. That would make it incest ya dork” Maurs explained, yooffing away from billy bobbob.

“EW, YA NASTY! I MEANT THE CONVERSATION”, Putin tootin gasped, horrified that his twin would even think about such a thing.

*What the fuck am I writing, what the fuck is this, lalalaaa*


End file.
